It is almost 4:30a and I e-mailed my last undergrad paper to my professor about 75 minutes ago.
In 3.5 hours, I will take my last undergrad final exam.
And then … I am finished with undergrad.
Next Sunday I will cross the stage.
It’s surreal. I can’t sleep and now I have the time, so I thought I’d update this.
As always, I refuse to harbor regrets. Sure, there are things I may have done differently but … all in all, I think everything happens for a reason. All the hardships we go through – and even some that we put ourselves through – all serve to teach us a lesson … and that lesson will present itself over and over until it is learned.
Procrastination remained a major issue throughout my college career … even up until this term paper I just sent. The result is insaneoid measures in order to complete things. My procrastination largely stemmed from an intense fear that 1.) I would not be able to handle it; I’m not good enough, 2.) I would deplete my energy source by pouring too much energy into the paper and would therefor not have enough energy to finish the rest of the semester, and 3.) I would rather have been doing something … something physical, something different … such as focusing on a performance or a show. Recognizing the problem is the first step … and surely I will remember this when I choose to enter grad school.
Perhaps my greatest success was my undergrad thesis. I quit my job in order to dedicate all of my time to it and realized from this how glorious school is when there are no other responsibilities. I feel absolutely no pity for those children who are not forced to have jobs and complain about schoolwork. Knowing this, I will work and save in order to be able to work less when I do choose to go back to school. But for now … my brain is absolutely fried. I wrote my thesis in three days. I started research and thinking about it months ahead of time – and that is the key: Thinking about it early. I definitely did not think about this term paper much until a couple of days ago … and producing those 12 pages was more difficult and draining than writing the 40 for my thesis. Also, the subject matter was far different but still: It would have been easier had I started thinking about it much earlier.
Had I to do it over, I would definitely be even more involved with the school (clubs/organizations) than I was. In my later college career, I became quite involved … but I would choose to be even more so. I suppose that’s not entire accurate – I was incredibly active in the theatre but that was my major and I didn’t really fit in with the students. This left me feeling desperately alone … and that feeling is terrible. I felt as though I didn’t have very many friends at all. I had a lot of respect … but it’s lonely at the top with no friends. And so I spent a lot of time drowning in my own misery. This past year, however, I became more involved with multiple clubs and met people outside of the department. It was the best decision I ever made. I met my best friends – none of which are in my major. This past year would not have been nearly as enjoyable or dare I say possible without their support. I know these friendships will last a lifetime.
There was a time – quite a long time – where I wanted nothing more than to transfer schools. This last semester has taught me that staying was the best thing for me. You see, I believe now that college is not so much about learning facts … you can look those up by yourself. Rather, the most important college is not learning WHAT to think, but HOW to think. I have definitely learned how to think, research, and synthesize my ideas – which I learned in the classroom – and even more invaluably, I learned how to organize (in the grassroots/leadership sense) and how to work with people. I thought my Theatre Arts degree was useless but it has proven more useful than I could have imagined – I have learned everything from speaking in front of an audience to painting large works of art to the way technology works to how to supervise and manage the most impossible types of people – and all of these things are applicable to everyday survival.
My college has also presented me with invaluable opportunities – everything from playing leads in an Ibsen play and an Albee play to meeting such important people as Chuck Klostermann to introducing Eric Alva and Andy Thayer to a large audience and organizing a benefit. I was able to express my ideas and see them successfully to fruition after enough work – and through my training and experience, I have had plenty of practice to perfect my skills.
As a wise professor once told me – Just as you graduate, you realize you are finally prepared to be a freshman. It is true. It has taken me these years to straighten myself out and gain perspective, which I am grateful for. I have made too many mistakes to count during these past years … but I could not have chosen a better, safer place to do so. And now that the rehearsal period is through and I’ve gotten quite a few mistakes out of the way: I head into the “real” world, hopefully making many less.
I hope you have the opportunity to experience college, whomever you are. ❤
SOUL REPO 